Kandr Newall - A Master Gentleman
Kandr Newall is a scholar and a gentleman, as well as being a dominant Master within Second Life. He is a self proclaimed Sensualist and a keen advocate in the arts of Sensual Dominance, and is one of the most intelligent beings to grace Second Life.
Kandr is a teacher, and holds regular classes to improve the quality of BDSM within SL, as stated in his manifesto - "We want more. We want mature role-play with intelligence, creativity, and passion. Some of us want romance, courtship, and seduction. Some of us want power exchange (like dominance, submission, and slavery). We all want partners who bring effort and inspiration to sensuality, intimacy, and relationships. We want to talk and learn about these things."
Kandr runs a free education community/group called Resonant Delusions, and hosts a series of free classes and events as well as publishing a variety of written materials including essay's and roleplaying tools. The level of intelligence and understated D/s provided by Resonant Delusions goes against the typical stereotypes of BDSM. His classes usually involve a group of avatars (not necessarily human) sitting around on cushions in a period environment chatting about what they want from BDSM and D/s, and just sharing jokes and friendly banter.
Resonant Delusions
Resonant Delusions is an interesting name, typical of the philosophical side of Kandr the teacher. The idea that Second Life is full of resonant delusions is an interesting take on the metaverse. And Kandra himself makes his point eloquently as he says "I think we all try to realize some daydream or fantasy or idealized version of ourselves here. We construct these delusions, in our appearance, houses, and actions. We're all looking for others with whom our delusions resonate. Matching fantasies."
Resonant Delusions as a group have been meeting regularly now since October 2007. The classes have a warm and friendly atmosphere, and Kandr deliberately encourages students to be open and honest about what they want and/or expect from BDSM. The group is made up of a wide variety of students. Some submissive's, including Gorean kajirae. Some dominants, both male and female. And a few couples. It would be hard to find any one thing they all have in common, except a shared enjoyment of lively discussion in a circle of emotional safety.
Most students of the group are seeking a smart, funny, meaningful discussion of relationships in SL, and all aspects of mature sensuality are touched upon. Kandr's students usually steer the discussion, and they frequently discuss matters of trust, communication, and expectations. Many are still trying to understand what they're looking for in SL, and the group offers support and a circle where people can vent, despair and laugh about their feelings and situations not just in SL but in RL too.
Well .... we met up with Kandr and and picked his brains on what he thinks about BDSM, D/s and the Second Life community, and asked him what advice he could give to people new to BDSM.
webMaster: Hi Kandr .. What would you say is your role within the SL BDSM community?
Kandr Newall: Teacher and Master.
webMaster: Cool .. and what does BDSM mean to you?
Kandr Newall: My wife discovered her submission first, through a mature MOO. She asked me to explore my possible dominance. I've always been a very dominant man: a disciplined, charismatic alpha. Over several years, I've combined my natural dominance with self-study and practice. Exploring my dominance has lead to very satisfying relationships online, and greater confidence and presence in my career. But for me, dominance is ultimately about loving my wife, and trying to be a better husband/Master for her.
webMaster: Very nice yes.. and what about D/s or Dominance and submission?
Kandr Newall: Power exchange can be an aphrodisiac and a path to deep intimacy. It can also just add a light-hearted, flirty tone to a friendship or community. Power exchange is fascinating and complex, and it can be affirming or destructive. Power exchange is primal, and we should maintain a humble awareness of the limits of reason and will in the face of it.
webMaster: Yes .. you are an advocator of sensual dominance.. can you explain what that is?
Kandr Newall: Sensual dominance is a divergent philosophy of power exchange. Without judging or rejecting brutal play, sensual dominance relies more on seduction and psychology to assert control. In many ways, sensual dominance is the most organic form of power exchange online: I can't really strike a sub or bind her. It's all about mind control. ("Sensual Dominance" is also the name of another free education/community group.)
webMaster: I see ... do you practice BDSM in RL?
Kandr Newall: Yes, my wife is now my beloved primary, too. She wears a 24/7 collar: a gold snake chain necklace, with her gold wedding ring. It's magnificent, just like her. We've moved our play beyond the bedroom, and we're gradually exploring. However, we have young children, and we live in a small town, so we're not major kinksters in RL (yet?)..
webMaster: Nice ... so what would you say makes a good Master/Mistress or slave/sub?
Kandr Newall: *laughs* These questions are too large and relative for simple answers. I've hosted dozens of events and written thousands of words about these questions. I'm closer to the answers for myself and my submissive's, but I'd hesitate to answer for anyone else. I do believe these ingredients are important for any D/s relationship: self-awareness, passion, chemistry, compatibility, trust, communication, and willingness.
webMaster: Smiles .. Ok ..Have you any advice you would give to someone new to BDSM?
Kandr Newall: Think about what you want, what you're looking for. Define your goals and your boundaries, at least to yourself. Beware of any advice that begins with "All true Masters..." or "All good submissive's...." Be careful with your reputation and your heart. There are some ignorant, inept, and/or immoral dominants here. As my beloved primary puts it, "Men say pretty things" (and then they betray your trust). And yet, don't be afraid to try something new, to reach out.
webMaster: Great answer yes ... What are your thoughts on BDSM in SL?
Kandr Newall: It's not a game. Putting someone in sub space isn't like stabbing an orc with a sword. Yet it's not the same as First Life love or power exchange. SL offers a different kind of intimacy. Shared fantasies here can sometimes be hotter than RL sex. Broken hearts hurt the same anywhere. On the upside, there are toys and scenarios here that we couldn't enjoy without involving paramedics or the police, so... *winks*
webMaster: Very true... Where would you say is the best place on SL to learn about BDSM?
Kandr Newall: Resonant Delusions events and materials, of course. *grins* A few months ago I became dissatisfied with Gor. Now I'm looking elsewhere to study and practice dominance. I welcome suggestions!
webMaster: Smiles.. well Gor is a subject we haven't even started with yet ..What are your thoughts about the future of SL?
Kandr Newall: I've been online for 14+ years, and SL is the best metaverse yet. Powerful interface. Community-building features. Open standards. Yay! But the learning curve is very unfriendly, and many people have terrible first experiences, especially in BDSM sims and relationships. Have you hugged a newbie today? Or helped her buy an AO?
webMaster: Yes that's true .. Ok do you have anything else you'd like to add?
Kandr Newall: Be suspicious of anyone (including me) claiming to have "the answers. " It's about the journey, not the destination, and everyone's journey is different.
Yes great advice, Thanks Kandr .. Well there you go folks, intelligence and compassion in the world of SL BDSM. Look up Resonant Solutions inworld and start your journey on the right foot!
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